The Battle Within: fear and the authentic life
“I know fear keeps us alive, but I also know that fear keeps us from living.”
On authenticity
We love authenticity in others because it reminds us of our own flaws. It’s a unique cocktail of vulnerability, risk, confidence and charm. The authentic seem to have an ease about themselves. They stand for something but rather than polarising others with their point of view, they seem to attract them instead.
That’s because rather than running from their fears, authentic people recognise them and embrace them. And in so doing they gain an ease, a comfort, a sense of self that makes them able to share their truth with the world and remain unaffected by the world’s response. They hold their ground regardless of external forces.
We all strive for authenticity, sure. But it’s easy to forget that in practice being authentic means risking being disliked. It means saying things that may be disagreed with. It means being judged. It means agitating people, possibly offending. Sometimes it means alienating people we care about or people who can determine our future. And it means being ok with that.
It’s accepting, you may not be for everyone, and that’s ok.
It’s letting go of shame and expectations to stand up fully for yourself.
Authenticity is attractive because it’s real. Honest. Unfiltered for the expectations of others and the world all around. It’s in effect the most simple version of ourselves, uncontaminated by fears, social protocols, expectations, and agendas.
Most importantly, it’s not fearless.
Instead, it’s full of fear but propelled beyond it by a commitment to yourself.
It’s brave.
Which is a whole different thing.
“There’s power in allowing yourself to be known and heard, in owning your unqiue story. In using your authentic voice.” — Michelle Obama
On fear
Let me share with you some of the fears that most commonly interfere with our authenticity:
You’re afraid of being rejected.
You’re afraid of being seen negatively.
You’re afraid of being seen at all.
You’re afraid of being ignored. Or disappearing into oblivion.
You’re afraid you education isn’t enough.
You’re afraid your experience isn’t enough.
You’re afraid someone will think you’re not enough.
You’re afraid of being exposed as a loser. A no body. An impostor.
You’re afraid someone will say no.
You’re afraid someone will say yes.
You’re afraid of being alone, of losing a friend or a loved one.
You’re afraid of change. And afraid of the unknown.
You’re afraid your life’s work is a failure.
You’re afraid someone will think your life’s work is a failure.
You’re afraid your best years are over and it’s all downhill from here.
You’re afraid you started too late and you’ll never reach your peak potential.
You’re afraid your dreams are shameful or embarrassing.
You’re afraid your dreams are too small and not ambitious enough.
Your’e afraid your dreams are too big and too ambitious.
You’re afraid you won’t be supported.
You’re afraid you’ll be abandoned if you share your real dreams.
You’re afraid of being ridiculed, laughed at and made fun of.
You’re afraid you’ll fail. You’re afraid you’ll fail publicly.
You’re afraid someone will outshine you.
You’re afraid nothing good will happen.
You’re afraid nothing will happen.
On you
Most people run from these fears.
That’s the easy thing to do.
Authentic people don’t.
They stay with these fears. Invite them in for tea. Give them a hug. Stand face to face, eye to eye, with them. Spend time with them. Get to know them. Acknowledge them. Explore them. Learn to coexist with them.
They make space for them.
But they don’t let these fears define them. They don’t let them impact their choices or moments. They don’t let them run the show.
When it’s time to make a decision — to say something or take an action — authentic people know how to manage these fears and put them aside. They don’t let their fears compromise their message, their voice, their priorities, or their perspective. They don’t bend or conform to others to alleviate their army of fears. They stand tall let themselves be seen instead.
That’s bravery — it’s being full of fear, and feeling it, and staying true to yourself despite them.
It’s the opposite of fearless.
“I know fear keeps us alive, but I also know that fear keeps us from living.”
― Evy Poumpouras
The authentic life
An authentic life is a bold life. It’s a brave life. It’s a life worth living.
It’s a life that trades of discomfort today for no regrets down the life.
It’s a life that seeks to deliver growth and change, rather than complacency.
It’s a life of truth and meaning. Of honest and connection.
It’s a life of being seen.
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